in service.

I’ve started a sort of relationship/experience in service with someone. As of now it’s simply domestic items, dishes, cleaning, laundry, that kind of thing.

Some part of me can’t turn off the, “What the fuck am i doing?! I have more then enough at home that needs to get done and not nearly enough time to do it, and I have tond of friends who need help too, why not go help them instead of some dude!?!” I have a yard that takes days to mow, I have animals to care after and room i’m almost ALWAYS cleaning. My house is falling apart and I have a pool I need to get rid of. I have more then enough to occupy me here.

But there is something about cleaning someone else’s shit that’s so much easier to me. I don’t have to make decisions. I move everything, I clean. As I put stuff back, I clean that stuff too. BAYUM, job well done. Instant satisfaction. If I clean something in my room, as I put it back I have to scrutinize if that’s where it really belongs, could it be better off somewhere else, how can I make other stuff fit there, will the cat knock it over, should I throw it out, and then it spirals where I see something else that’s also messed up and suddenly my room looks WORSE then when i started. There’s no BAYUM, satisfaction…

I also feel comfortable around this person. I wasn’t sure when I first started. I was worried I’d feel *really* awkward all up in someone else’s business, but it feels kinda normal and relaxed.

This is a person I have played with in the past and have talked with before about playing in the future. Because of that I felt it necessary to state that they should NEVER play with me out of debt, or feeling like they owe me for what I’m doing. That would make me feel horrible. They don’t seem to be the kind of person who would do that, but I needed to state it. I don’t want to play with anyone who dosen’t want to play with me. I don’t even want the doubt in my head because I would find it horrible.