dirty talk thought process: daily life family introspection thinking woah WTF
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I remember mallrats was on in the background. We were on his dorm bed which was hiked up with bed risers. It was on Bush campus. I remember being naked with our heads at the foot of the bed. I remember him asking “Are you sure” before he entered me.
I don’t know if it is haunting me or if it is a sacred moment, but it hurts. Fuck does it hurt.
I don’t have daddy issues like a lot of girls often talk about. My father was fantastic. In quite a few ways I was closer to him then i was to my mom. He was the house husband since he retired early and so he would drive me to school make diner and talk to me more often.
I miss that.
I couldn’t figure out why i liked my chiropractors so much at first. I feared it was something not quite right, maybe even dirty. Then i realized they had a sort of father like tone about them. They are both the right age, have children and scold me gently for causing myself pain. Then they cause me more pain, for my own good and sort of take care of me. They both have good personalities and one of them even had my dad’s radio station playing when I came in. It’s probably not appropriate to get attached to people like that, but what do you do when you just want that kind of relationship you had with your dad?
I miss my father.
My mom is in the hospital. I don’t take care of people well. I jsut want to go into hiding and hope they get better on their own. She has an infection in her leg. My sis and I are going to go see her. I love her, I wish I wasen’t emotionally defunct.
I really want to sleep. I’ve been up since about 6am, and I feel fried. Britney spears’ stage is a metric fuckton of stuff, but yanno what they say, the less talent the more crap.